Never let it be said that Bravo’s Andy Cohen does not ask the hard questions.
Exhibit A, the following moment from Wednesday and the first of two reunion shows as the 17th season of “The Real Housewives of Orange County” comes to a close.
“Question for the group,” Cohen announced, the six women of the cast all sitting up just a little bit taller in response to his serious tone. “Over and under: How many seasons have seen Tamra’s [bare breasts]?”
Tamra Judge tilts her head back, thinking, as a montage of her pixelated parts across the seasons scrolls in a box beside her head.
“Every season,” Emily Simpson guessed.
“Twelve,” Shannon Storms Beador offered.
“How many seasons are we on for?” Heather Dubrow asked.
“This is my 13th season,” Tamra mused.
There might as well have been a drumroll before Cohen relieved us of the agony of suspense.
“Seven,” he said. “Because how many years were you with Simon (Tamra’s ex-husband)? You weren’t showing them then.”
And now we know. By the time you read this, surely someone will have updated the show’s Wikipedia page to reflect this important leap forward in humankind’s quest for knowledge.
Reunion shows tend to jump around from topic to topic as the host revisits the season just finished. This one, filmed on a virtual beach – giant wrap-around video screens and tons of real sand on the studio floor made it feel like Cohen and the women were on the beach – was no different.
We got clips of Tamra saying mean things about the other women, with Heather and Jenn Pedranti her biggest targets.
“I feel incredibly sad,” Heather said of Tamra’s constant campaign to turn the other women against her.
“I never came into this group to turn everyone against you,” Tamra weakly replied.
“There wasn’t one episode where you didn’t say something unkind about me,” Heather said. “Not one.”
Jenn had been Tamra’s target just as long for her dedication to her boyfriend Ryan, who Tamra felt wasn’t good enough for Jenn.
Did Tamra and Jenn hug and make up on the reunion show? Let’s check the tape.
“I was your friend!” Jenn shouted at Tamra. “You’re a piece of (dirt) of a friend.”
“(Bleep) off,” Tamra shouted back. “You’re the piece of (dirt), you cheater.”
“You’re a (bleepin’) cheater too,” Jenn replied. “So welcome to your own (bleepin’) club, Tamra.”
This goes on for 30 seconds during which 10 adjectives we can’t print here fly back and forth while Cohen seems to slide further and further down in his chair.
So … they didn’t make up? Now, now, don’t be too hasty. Eight minutes later we get this.
“You deserve happiness,” Tamra tells Jenn. “You are an amazing person.”
Is this real? Is anything? Actually, one thing is. The out-of-control drinking that’s portrayed as entertainment on the show finally got a brief moment of serious attention. It probably had to, given the recent arrest of one housewife on a DUI charge.
“The Real Housewives of Orange County reunion was filmed 10 days prior to Shannon Storms Beador’s DUI arrest,” a sober white text on a black screen announces. It’s the prelude to a DUI storyline this season in which Shannon claimed that by connecting Gina Kirschenheiter with an attorney she’d saved Gina’s kids from temporarily being picked up by child protective services.
When confronted earlier in the season, Shannon claimed she hadn’t said it. When a clip proved she had, she said she didn’t remember it.
“If you can say something that’s that (bleepin’) hurtful and not even remember?” Gina said to the camera. “You need to go (bleepin’) check yourself into rehab, and when you get to the (bleepin’) ‘I’m sorry’ step I’ll be waiting for that apology.”
Shannon does her thing where she tries to apologize without really saying she’s sorry. Gina is not having it. Shannon, cornered, lashes out.
“I don’t like you!” she yells, as clear a statement of that as you’ll ever hear on this show. “We don’t get along because you don’t know anything about me.”
Gina seizes the opening.
“What are my children’s names?” she demands.
“Sienna and … now I’m blanking,” Shannon replies, whiffing entirely on Gina’s sons Nicholas and Luca.
Gina orders Shannon to never talk about her kids again and she says it so loudly I don’t think I better even write about them again.
Another somber slide comes on the screen, this one telling viewers that if they know someone struggling with alcohol or substance abuse, call The National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Hotline at 800-662-HELP (4357).
Gina isn’t done telling Shannon what a bad thing she did, and how badly it has hurt her.
“It crosses a line!” she says. “A serious line! To the point where I don’t even know I can continue on here.”
Maybe. They could always start telling each other how amazing they are next week when the second, and thankfully final, reunion show arrives.
