It was the love of fear.
That seemingly oxymoronic combination put T.J. Dillashaw into a wrestling singlet. It made him a high school state runner-up, brought him a college scholarship he never conceived and made him a three-time NCAA qualifier.
The love of fear. It put Dillashaw in the UFC steel cage, brought him wealth, accolades and world titles incomprehensible to someone who grew up in a small Northern California town of 3,500, made him one of the poster boys for an entire sport and even caused UFC commentator Joe Rogan to gush in front of an international audience that Dillashaw put in “the most spectacular performance I have ever seen. …”
The love of fear. It also turned both of Dillashaw’s shoulders into hamburger, sent him to the surgeon’s table 11 times, caused him to make a decision he called “the biggest mistake of my career” and forced him out of the sport he loved before his time.
The love of fear. Eventually, it brought Dillashaw full circle, right into the Cal State Fullerton Athletic Hall of Fame Class of 2023. The former Titans’ wrestler will join soccer goalkeeper Karen Bardsley, soccer forward Eddie Soto, golfer Martha Wilkinson-Kirouac, former director of sports medicine Julie Max and the 1979 Baseball Team in this year’s class.
“I was surprised. I didn’t expect a call, I didn’t expect to be inducted because I didn’t have the type of career that I should have had when I was there,” he said. “I didn’t become an All-American. I didn’t become a national champion. I did good there, but I didn’t do great. Those expectations were something I try to hold myself to.”
This gives you a front-row seat to Dillashaw’s brutal level of self-awareness. You’ll find very few people, never mind professional athletes, honestly owning themselves like Dillashaw does. He is so honest, so open about his triumphs, mistakes, and yes, fear, that he thanked the interviewer “for the therapy session.” One that lasted an hour and 42 minutes.
That, too, comes with that love of fear that Dillashaw used as a motivational tool from the moment he first walked onto a wrestling mat. He was 8, following his wrestling coach father to his club practices. When he stepped onto the mat even at that age, Dillashaw realized several things before long. He realized he was pretty good, that the competition fed and nourished him like few other things in life, and that his talent brought a side order of self-worth.
And yes, as he got older, Dillashaw realized something else.
“I grew up in a competitive family. When you’re out there on that mat, it’s all on you. It makes you feel alive,” he said. “It’s fear, to be honest. You’re so scared of not doing it to your fullest potential that it makes you feel alive. To be successful in any individual sport, wrestling, MMA fighting, you have to love the fear.”
It also gave Dillashaw victories. He was all-state as a junior and a senior, losing in the state finals at 119 pounds his senior year. Still, Dillashaw didn’t plan on going to college until he went to the Dream Team Duals in Clovis. That tournament pits the country’s best wrestlers against the top wrestlers from a given state. Each year, that state rotates. It happened to land on California Dillashaw’s senior year.
Aside from that love of fear, Dillashaw’s career has featured several fortunate moments. This was one of them. At the duals, he beat Charlie Falk, the nation’s top wrestler and a future All-American at Iowa.
As Dillashaw said, that started the college offers. Fresno State, Columbia, Cal Poly San Luis Obispo all chimed in. But when Dillashaw visited Fullerton, it was game over. He liked the area, liked coach Dan Hicks, liked the brotherhood formed with his teammates — all of it.
“I became the man I am today because of Cal State Fullerton. I’m pleased and grateful for everything I learned there and because of my experiences there,” he said.
Dillashaw went 14-16 (10-8 in dual meets) as a freshman and 17-14 (11-4 in duals) as a sophomore. He qualified three times for the NCAAs, turning in, by all accounts, a distinguished career.
It was only the beginning.
Dillashaw enrolled in graduate school with the idea of being a physician’s assistant. Instead, he met MMA standout Urijah Faber while working for then-CSUF assistant wrestling coach Mark Munoz at a wrestling camp.
Munoz wasted little time planting the seed of Dillashaw’s next career.
‘“You know what, T.J.? You’d be a great fighter. I think fighting would be a great outlet for you,’” Dillashaw said Munoz told him.
After talking to his then-girlfriend, now wife, Rebecca, Dillashaw moved to Sacramento, renting a room from Faber and training at Faber’s gym.
“I gave myself a year. If I was good at it, I’d stick with it. Otherwise, I’d go back to school,” he said. “It was that love of fear again. I was scared. I’m going to go into this gym and I’ve never thrown a punch in my life. I’ve never kicked or punched, and I’m going into this gym with world-class athletes. There were two guys: Faber and Joseph Benavidez, who were ranked No. 2 and 3 in the world in my weight class. There were a ton of great fighters, and I had to throw myself to the wolves and learn this sport as fast as I could.
“I remember my first day of practice boxing, sparring. I’ve got to go against Joseph, the No. 3 guy in the world, and I’m bleeding out of my nose and getting beat up. They used to call me ‘Lieutenant Dan’ from Forrest Gump, because of the part where he’s yelling at the storm to ‘come and get him.’ That was me in my first sparring match.”
Dillashaw was a natural. Within a year, he was on the Ultimate Fighter TV show, where he finished second. That earned him a UFC contract right after that group bought WEC, home of the lighter-weight classes. That fortuitous break led to another one: a revelatory chat with cornerman Justin Buckels before a fight with Mike Easton in January 2014 about turning his love of fear into something else.
“I was my nervous self warming up. My cornerman said, ‘Hey man. Enjoy the moment. You’re in the UFC right now. There’s millions of people watching TV right now, watching you walk out, who would pay to be in your position right now.’ That resonated with me,” Dillashaw said. “I had a lot of fun that night. It was different than other fights. I saw Shaquille O’Neal in the front row. … I was into having fun instead of being aggro. I picked up the guy and said, ‘This is for you, Shaq,’ and body-slammed the guy.
“When I decided to relax and have fun, everything happened great. I learned to be a better athlete.”
The breaks kept coming. In May 2014, Dillashaw was supposed to face Takeya Mizugaki. But when Matt Whiteman — who was on the main event — broke his rib, Dillashaw was given the opportunity to fight Renan Barāo for the UFC Bantamweight Championship. Barāo was one of the top five pound-for-pound fighters in the world and the reigning Bantamweight champion.
Dillashaw? He was an unknown 8-1 underdog who — all of a sudden — found his face on marquees and billboards all over Las Vegas. He was a media darling, doing interview after interview and soaking up the moment.
It worked. Dillashaw loved the moment instead of the fear. Barely 40 seconds in, Dillashaw landed an overhand right that dropped Barāo. Everything clicked, up to the point in the fifth round where Dillashaw flattened Barāo with a combo of kicks and an overhand left. Just like that, the fifth-round TKO made Dillashaw the UFC Bantamweight Champion.
“It was crazy. The seconds after the fight, I blacked out. People were screaming and I was telling everyone it was my destiny to beat this guy,” he said.
Dillashaw defended his title three times. He owns the second-highest number of title bouts (seven) in UFC Bantamweight history. His seven knockouts are the most in division history, and he’s recognized as one of the greatest bantamweights in UFC history.
And yet, there’s the what-ifs. In 2019, Dillashaw was suspended for two years in his prime after testing positive for a banned substance, what he called “the worst mistake of his career.” He won his comeback fight over Cory Sandhagen in May 2021.
But the injuries finally caught up to him. A knee injury and shoulder surgery that didn’t take followed him into a title bout against Aljamain Sterling in October 2022. Going into the fight, Dillashaw’s left shoulder kept popping out, but he was 36 years old and didn’t know how many chances he’d get.
This was the last one. Dillashaw’s body answered that question for him.
“Pulling out wasn’t an option. I thought I could take him,” Dillashaw said. “Then, it popped out 30 seconds into the first round. I got it back in before the doctors came. Thirty seconds into the second round, it popped out again. I knew it would happen. In the world I live in, wrestling and fighting, you have to be super optimistic. You overwhelm negative thoughts with positive. But I should have been more realistic. I had one arm. I did a lot of damage to my shoulder I’m paying for now.”
Again, there’s his self-awareness, which now serves Dillashaw well in retirement. He’s finally at peace with his reluctant retirement, the byproduct of his suspension. Instead, his love of fear was replaced with a love of entrepreneurship. He and a partner started Wild Society, a protein health-food company that allows Dillashaw’s restless, competitive nature to flourish in literally a natural environment.
“This refocused me. The same way I fell into the identity of being a wrestler, fell into an identity of being a fighter. I have to find a new worth. I can’t stop. If I stop, I’m going to lose it.”
